Wednesday, February 26, 2014

It's Wednesday!!!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014
OK!  I know it's been a while but I just wanted to give you all an update.

I can't even begin to tell you how many doctors I've seen in the last year but we think we may have it figured out.

All said and done the general consensus is that I'm suffering from a combination of Fibromayalsia (which can be brought on by extreme stress and emotional trauma....check) and some sort of mild post traumatic stress syndrome.  Neither one are definite that it't the cause of my chest pain but both are treated the same way.

So I started a regimen of healthy eating, increased fluid consumption, Vitamin D supplements, an antidepressant and an exercise routine...specifically cardiovascular focused.

I've been Zumba-ing y'all.  And its fun.

And at this moment in time I'm feeling ok.  A lot less pain for sure.  I'm getting more sleep and taking care of myself.  Christmas was probably the peak of the pain and stress and just plain fatigue.  I was going on meds that made me nuts, being taken off meds that were making me nuts...in a lot of pain.  And no wonder...the most stressful time of year.   All the pressure to remember everything, to get it all done, to be as perfect as possible, and then the first Christmas without my Dad.

My mom and sister didn't even really celebrate.  Just a lot of pain.  A lot of sadness.  The wake of an unexpected loss.

Along with this my mom sold the house that my family has shared for the last 17 years.  Not by choice.  By necessity.  And she is now in a new home.  A new life.  At the moment a little less joyful.  And that adds to the sadness because I can't fix that for her.  I can't bring him back.

And I tried.  I was the one who called 911.  I was the one who gave him chest compression...begging for him to come back. Comforted my family when he didn't.  Planned the funeral because no one else could.....

And basically.....I have been grieving so slowly they believe that my body may be manifesting it's own physical pain to make up for the suppressed emotional pain.  You see, I keep busy.  I have 2 kids and it's easy to do.  And the theory is that maybe I've been keeping too busy.

So I continue to learn how to grieve for the loss of a parent, which I wasn't ready to do at 30.  Still not knowing how to do at 31.

The exercise keeps the pain away ironically.  Or at least lessens it...and truth be told, it's nice to go shake my booty for an hour and feel exhilarated...because my heart is ok.

So, I'm getting back to work.  I need my creative outlet.  I need to work.  Not to keep busy, but because I enjoy work.  It's a little part of me this blog.  It's like a diary and a child and me all rolled into one.  Anyone who blogs can probably attest to that.  SO.....



Clean workspace, cup of tea, pile of cookies.....We're back in business folks!!

So expect some new content coming your way next week!  I'm going to be spending the week playing catch up and integrating work into my new lifestyle routine.  :)

And thank you to everyone for their prayers and stories and concerns after my Sunday post.  It means a lot to me that so many people care about little me.  Love.







23 comments:

Tami Mudd said...

So glad to see you back to doing what you love. I also suffer from post traumatic stress due to a traumatic event. It's no fun, but medicines do help :)

Glory said...

I'm so happy to know things are looking up for you Ali! Thank you for being so open and transparent! Send you lots of love from California!

katydoescookies said...

Praise the Lord!!!! So excited to see you getting your life back!!! {{{{HUGS}}}} --Katy

Elizabeth L in Apex, NC said...

Sweet Ali! So happy to see you back and with some positive news. You are indeed loved and prayed for!

crumbsoflove said...

Glad to hear that you are feeling a little better. Have you tried acupuncture? It worked wonders for me when I was so stressed out that I was giving myself anxiety attacks. I also gave up caffeine:(
Hope you road to recovery is swift and painless!
Sandie

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry that you have been going through such terrible times. Do take time for your self, whether that is to exercise, read, walk, or even have a good cry about your dad. I hope you feel bright and sunny soon xxBRenda

Chris Johnson said...

I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss and for all you've been going through. We've missed you, and glad to hear that you're coming back to us! Take care of you.

Pam Sneed said...

Wonderful news. :) I'm so happy that you are diving into something that brings you so much joy. Big hugs to you!!!!

The Sandtray Coach said...

Such a moving post. Grief is a force of nature. It cools down when it is ready to. I hope it is soon for you, which doesn't mean you will ever forget, only that you one day you will no longer need to suffer. I wish you well.

jennie said...

Ali,
I enjoy your blog. I am so impressed by your honesty as you tackle your grief and PTSS. You have probably helped people in ways you can't even imagine. Heal and get strong, your creativity and baking will be there, waiting for you to get back to it. You will find your new "normal" and will move on from there. Some days it's just putting one foot in front of the other. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.
Best, Jennie

Jacinda said...

Oh sweet girl! I had no idea about your father. You are a fighter (it shows) and I have faith you will beat this.
You and your family are in my prayers.
There's no hurry to come back, but know you have a fan for life when you are ready.

Morgan Powers said...

I'm so sorry to hear of all your hardships through the past year. Hoping that your positive attitude allows you the grace to get through what you need to in order to find peace, wellness and happiness again.
((((Hugs)))))

Julia M Usher said...

Oh, I did not know you weren't well until today, but pleased to know you are on the mend. Wishing you continued health and healing! XO

Colleen Head said...

Oh sweetheart :( It is so hard to be both griever and caretaker at the same time. I am so sorry you have had a rough year, but so glad you are on the mend! Self care is extremely important and it so good to see you being who you need to be to regain your health and life. You have a huge support system, in your family and in your cookie fans! Big hugs to you! :)

Kris (SoCuteCookies) said...

Ali, you are so brave to share your story and your struggles, once again always helping others by sharing. I wish you continued healing and strength and look forward to your future posts! Take care...((hugs))

Maria in NJ~ Dolcelicious Bake Shoppe said...

So nice to hear from you...glad that you are feeling better, and that they know what is the cause of your aliments...stay strong for your family. Your poor mom, that must be so tough on her, and then have to sell the family home, I know exactly how that is, after my mom passed we had to sell her home...the person who bought mom's home knocked it down (it was sitting on a double lot) and but up 2 houses where it sat...Terrible, the house was so beautiful. well, what it boils down to is...life goes on...Take care Ali

Charlsey said...

Allison, I think about you and your family often. It was painful to see you all go through the loss of your Dad. He was a wonderful father and husband. I hope to see your Mom at the Dallas Quit Show. Hoping your health continues to improve.

gaby said...

I'm so glad you are feeling better. You are an inspiration for all of us. I can't wait to see what you have in store!
:)

Samantha Ngy said...

It's so nice to hear you have some answers and a new routine that is working to relive some of your physical pain.
Glad to see you are getting back to cookies and I hope it is a healing and creative outlet for you! I know I'll be looking forward to more of your beautiful creations!

Tricia Z said...

Ali, I'm glad you finally have some answers and a plan to move forward in your healing, both physically and emotionally. Hang in there, little one. XO Tricia

Anonymous said...

Ali, I didn't know until today that you've had such a tough year. But like someone else said, your sharing will help others in ways you don't even know. Glad you're on the mend...it does take time. I'd still like to meet you ...we're in Joplin lots. Sharon from The Plaid Cookie Co.

Bluesugarcookieco said...

Thank you for sharing the hard road you've been on! I'm so sorry for your loss and all you've been through. Praying for good health and comfort for your mind, body and soul!

~Margaret, Blue Sugar Cookie Co.

Jan said...

Ali, I just found your blog as I was looking for recipes for Royal Icing. Decided to take a look around and read your story. Wow, sounds a lot like mine! Except mine happened 11 years ago. My daddy died on 3/21/03 from pneumonia. 3 weeks later, to the day, my 27 year old daughter died due to liver and kidney failure brought on by addiction to prescription pain killers. I didn't have time to grieve daddy's death. I was helping momma go through things and just keeping her company. I stayed with her for about a week then when I got home my daughter was beginning to get sick. She and our granddaughter were living with us. After her death we adopted our granddaughter and we basically started over being parents. Becca had just turned 6 when Steph died and our 2 boys were out on their own already. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia over 20 years ago but after my daughter died, it came on FULL FORCE! Very debilitating. I have a few other medical problems, too, but I can certainly understand where you are coming from! Thanks for sharing your story! Gentle hugs from one fibro sufferer to another.
Jan Thompson

 

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