I can't even begin to tell you how many doctors I've seen in the last year but we think we may have it figured out.
All said and done the general consensus is that I'm suffering from a combination of Fibromayalsia (which can be brought on by extreme stress and emotional trauma....check) and some sort of mild post traumatic stress syndrome. Neither one are definite that it't the cause of my chest pain but both are treated the same way.
So I started a regimen of healthy eating, increased fluid consumption, Vitamin D supplements, an antidepressant and an exercise routine...specifically cardiovascular focused.
I've been Zumba-ing y'all. And its fun.
And at this moment in time I'm feeling ok. A lot less pain for sure. I'm getting more sleep and taking care of myself. Christmas was probably the peak of the pain and stress and just plain fatigue. I was going on meds that made me nuts, being taken off meds that were making me nuts...in a lot of pain. And no wonder...the most stressful time of year. All the pressure to remember everything, to get it all done, to be as perfect as possible, and then the first Christmas without my Dad.
My mom and sister didn't even really celebrate. Just a lot of pain. A lot of sadness. The wake of an unexpected loss.
Along with this my mom sold the house that my family has shared for the last 17 years. Not by choice. By necessity. And she is now in a new home. A new life. At the moment a little less joyful. And that adds to the sadness because I can't fix that for her. I can't bring him back.
And I tried. I was the one who called 911. I was the one who gave him chest compression...begging for him to come back. Comforted my family when he didn't. Planned the funeral because no one else could.....
And basically.....I have been grieving so slowly they believe that my body may be manifesting it's own physical pain to make up for the suppressed emotional pain. You see, I keep busy. I have 2 kids and it's easy to do. And the theory is that maybe I've been keeping too busy.
So I continue to learn how to grieve for the loss of a parent, which I wasn't ready to do at 30. Still not knowing how to do at 31.
The exercise keeps the pain away ironically. Or at least lessens it...and truth be told, it's nice to go shake my booty for an hour and feel exhilarated...because my heart is ok.
So, I'm getting back to work. I need my creative outlet. I need to work. Not to keep busy, but because I enjoy work. It's a little part of me this blog. It's like a diary and a child and me all rolled into one. Anyone who blogs can probably attest to that. SO.....
Clean workspace, cup of tea, pile of cookies.....We're back in business folks!!
So expect some new content coming your way next week! I'm going to be spending the week playing catch up and integrating work into my new lifestyle routine. :)
And thank you to everyone for their prayers and stories and concerns after my Sunday post. It means a lot to me that so many people care about little me. Love.
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