My Father

So I am going to tell you right now, I have been avoiding writing this post because it still hurts so much, but I need to.

The month of April was pretty rough for me.  New baby, husband out of town, no sleep, 4 year old...the usual.  So I thought it would be really nice to go home and see my family in Texas the first weekend in May.  See, it was my dad's 60th birthday that Saturday.  My sister and her new fiance were coming into town especially for the occasion...the whole family was going to be there.  So I put myself and the kids on a plane and headed to Texas.  

The weekend started like any other at home.  Hugs to the parents, Dad cooked dinner for us (something he loved to do.  Dad used to be in the restaurant biz.  My passion for food stems from him), watched some TV, cooed over the baby...just spent time with family.  That's how we do it.  We just enjoy each other's company.  

That Saturday was the big day, my dad's birthday.  I didn't see my dad that morning....I was sleeping in...long night of feeding baby.  He was going to work that morning, "just for a little bit", so he told my sister when they passed in the hallway.  We went about our morning, getting ready for the birthday party later that night.  I was all excited to make him my very special chocolate cake.

We were ready to go and started heading to the car.  Now my parents have a driveway that accommodated one car wide so all our cars are out front are lined up like ducks.  If one person wants to go somewhere we have a circus act of car moving. Takes coordination.  Dad's car was still there.  He was supposed to be at work half an hour ago.

And that's about when my life changed forever.  When all our lives did.  

Dad suffered a major cardiac arrest.  When we found him upstairs, he had already gone.

JR Barnes

1953-2013

My heart aches every day.  He brought life into our lives.  He was the heart of our family.  I tell everyone, I get my strength from my mother and my heart from my father.  I wish all of you could have met him and known him.  He was the greatest man, greatest cook, craftsman and father....  And I miss him.  

Dad holding John - March 28, 2013

I'm just so grateful that he was here for the birth of his grandson about a month before.  Little did I know  then how important that visit would really be, as it would be his last.  It would be the last time he made "the baby bomb" - a chocolate tart that was so good your baby would come out just to get a slice for himself....tho it was never successful.  Not sure why we still call it that with it's failed track record.  But I'm glad he made it just for me the night before my induction.  I'm sad that John wont know his grandpa.  I'm sad that Dad won't know John.  We always teased dad that he was outnumbered.  He had a wife, three daughters and a mother in law living in his house....even the dogs were girls with the exception of our cavalier Teddy...and even then Dad said it didn't count.  He was finally getting an ally.

Mom and Dad on my wedding day in 2008

Dad loved us.  He adored my mother.  He was patient, slow to anger and full of joy.  If anyone deserved a longer life it would have been my Dad.  I know everyone says that about their passed loved ones.  But I mean it.  He touched everyone he knew.  Even people he knew for just a few weeks.  People turned up to his memorial that barely knew him but felt so moved by the small part of their lives that he shared with them.  

And did I mention that he was the funniest man on the face of the Earth?

Dad invented the photo bomb....I just thought you should know.  He did it before it was cool.  

Even now I can't quite express all the emotions.  It's too soon to even sort them all through.  He left the world so suddenly.  He had just lost 70 pounds, he was taking care of himself, he had no heart problems...I still can't make sense of it.  60 years young and he's gone.  I don't know what to say.  So I think the only thing I can write is what my sisters and I wrote for his memorial:

Our daddy was the best man in the world - hands down.
He always had the love and respect of his family. His opinion mattered whether it was
the college we should attend, the boys we wanted to date or even the dress we might
wear to homecoming (to which he would always advise - “clavicle and drape”). He was a
loving and protective father. A well of wisdom that he was eager to share with anyone.
So, we would like to share a small sampling of the many things that he had taught us.

- How to be an eternal optimist. He was nothing if not positive.
- Live the Golden Rule and treat others as you would like to be treated.
- Fighting is a waste of time. It’s better to love instead.
- A recipe is more like a guideline...
- The importance of family. We were always spending time together instead of alone in
our rooms like other kids our age.
- All boys are slugs and bums. Until you find the right one.
- Any argument can be quelled with a good joke
- To be ourselves no matter what anyone thinks
- Lead by example
- That real football is played in the SEC and that Bear Bryant is the greatest football
coach of all time. Past, Present and Future.
- The road to the heart is paved with good cooking.
- There is never a goal too big that can’t be achieved
- That Mom cheats at cards. Never play cards with Mom
- God doesn't always give you what you ask for, but he always gives you what you
need. - A sentiment he often expressed when he spoke of raising three daughters.
- You never stop worrying about your children. Ever.
- Roll Tide - ‘nuff said
- What a happy home and a loving marriage looks like.
- To laugh and laugh often.
The most important thing that Daddy taught us is how to love unconditionally. No matter
how badly we behaved or how many rules we broke, we never ever doubted his love for
us. After all, his greatest quality was his heart.

Our father was a builder of many things, and just like he could take a piece of raw wood
and turn it into something beautiful, he lovingly crafted his children into the women we
are today. I know that he is looking down with pride on the three girls he always said
were his greatest creations. And we are proud to be his daughters.